Saturday, October 17, 2009

Maybe I Should've Stayed Off the Computer

Last week, I signed off after writing half a blog to watch The Amazing Race. It's one of my favorite shows and I try not to miss it. During a commercial break, Tony asked me to sign on to look up something. I did and couldn't resist checking my Face Book page in the process (I'm totally addicted!). What I found has kept me spinning ever the point that I didn't even finish catching you up on what's been going on for the last three months.

A dear friend was killed on October 9th in a cycling accident in Mississippi on the Natchez Trace. He, another friend and I were known as the Triumvent (can't spell!), a fancy name for three musketeers. I am the only one left of the three of us. The other guy, Devereaux, died during Christmas week of 2007. Calling Dev's wife, Nora, to tell her about David's death was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I don't like to be the bearer of bad news and this was especially hard given how close our friendships had been. She and I bawled like babies on the phone together. I know it must have felt like loosing her husband all over again on some level. Some of my best memories of the 90s are sitting at Nora's kitchen table doing political strategy work with David and Deveraux.

Robert Fulghum has written that dress parades such as weddings, funerals, christenings, etc., bring out all the worst behaviors in us all, especially among family members. David's death has been no exception. David went through a very acrimonious divorce several years ago, right about the time I was falling in love with and marrying my husband, Tony. David was engaged to be remarried early next year to the love of his life, Cindy, who is crushed. I'm crushed for her. David was happier than I've ever seen him when he with her. At any rate, the ex-wife has managed to make all of this all about her. She's playing the grieving widow. Talk about lack of respect and an unwillingness to put the past in the past.

David's son called me to tell me about the funeral arrangements and we laughed and cried together about his Dad the good times we'd all shared. Less than 2 hours later, I received an email from the ex-wife (she found me through's a double edged sword, sigh) informing me that I was unwelcome at "her husband's" funeral because she didn't want me there.

I wrote back and quietly let her know that we had no intention of attending because of work and school schedules. I also expressed my sympathy for her children and David's fiancee. I finished the email by also expressing my shock that she had inserted herself into a series of events that really had nothing to do with her beyond her role as the mother of grieving adult children. I summarily received a phone call from the same son with whom I'd laughed and cried just the day before. He basically threatened me with bodily harm if I came within 100 feet of Cindy, him, his siblings, or mother ever again. I could hear his mother coaching him in the background. Tony didn't take well to this, so they would also be well served to leave me alone as well.

I'm not sure who I feel worse for: his parents because they've lost their only child, his fiancee because she's caught up in all this, or the kids because they've lost their dad and are trying to balance grieving with dealing with their narcissistic mother.

We live in a fallen, broken world and things happen.

I'll miss my friend. I'll miss his laughter and infectious zest for life. It's one more reason to be excited about Heaven.

I promise to fill you in on the rest of the last three months later. That's just what's gone on this week. Drama and tears and such. I'm done with it.

Sleep well, sweet prince.

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